Ahhhh...

As I was waiting for the last hour of work to roll on by, I decided to read up on some of my past posts. It's been more than a while since I've given any attention to this blog and it was long overdue. Interesting enough, I found a couple of posts where I was truly at a crossroads in my life. Reading the thoughts that I once felt took me back to that time when I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its wonderful to use writing as a way to document your journeys in life, and in return it allows you to go back and see the real growth of ones existence.

Almost a year later, I can say I am in such a great place. All of those trials I went thru last year did in fact happen for a reason. At that point, all I could see was the pain and agony of what I was going thru but in reality it set me up for where I am at today. Had I not experienced all those things, I probably would be stuck in that 8 year relationship still holding on by a thread. As much as I will always love my ex, he and I were not meant to be together, forever. We were kids, who grew up together, and in turn, held on to the memories along the way. We were scared to venture off to others, and when we did, we always ran back to each other. After a few infidelities, I finally smartened up and realized that this would be my life if I didn't make a permanent change. It took a lot of courage and tears to finally leave, but I did. I took the time to figure out what I wanted, let alone needed. I found myself, and am still very much on that journey.

I am now embarking on a new relationship with a man who is equal to me. If anything, he motivates me to be a better woman and I can honestly say he completes me. I am trying my hardest not to allow my past relationship effect my new relationship as there are in fact two different men. Am I tainted? Yes. I was lied to and cheated on more than once and I now have a hard time trusting anyone. Will I let that get in the way? Absolutely not. It would be the biggest mistake of my life if I were to allow the fear of getting hurt keep me from falling in love. This man is wonderful in so many ways and has truly showed me what a partnership is really about. The funny thing is that it is still the beginning, so there is still so much more to come...if I allow it.

Actually this past week was a big one for me. I made some significant changes in my life that will allow more love and opportunities to flow thru and I couldn't be happier. After a long time, I am finally excited about my future. I now think about marriage, kids, the whole nine...where as before...It just was not even a thought. There is still so much to be revealed as I grow into the woman that I am destined to be and I am doing it all with no regrets, or hesitance!

xoxo,

T

Love is a bitch I prefer not to fuck with...

It's been at least fifteen days since I've heard anything from you. I've tried to be patient and give you the benefit of the doubt. I guess not hearing back from you after this long should have given me a clue long ago. Even still, I refuse to think I am naive and instead believe in what you told me. You told me a lot, and I believed it. I still do in some way. I would like to think that a good part of who I am still believes in people, hoping to see the best of ones self. I saw that in you. I guess I wanted to believe you were different because I could see thru that harsh exterior you portray, except I'm not sure which one is the real you...
I was hoping that you would appear, eventually. I wanted to believe what we had was real and it could blossom into something amazing. That one day, in the future, you and I could have a future together. You told me you wanted more than just a friendship with me and I did too. Who really knows if that was ever a possibility, but the moments I shared with you allowed me to believe so. I know that we have both changed from what we once were, and life is much more complicated than we can imagine, but no matter how much I try to deny what I feel, It's real. It's realer than anything else I've ever known. Instead of denying it, I have accepted it for what it is. It was comforting and amazing. It was beautiful and I would much rather remember you like that then this...

I've finally came to the conclusion after much thought that everything happens for a reason. I mean I've always known that but the stubborn side of me wanted you and I didn't want to let you go. I can't wish something into existence if it's simply not meant to be and I certainly can't convince you to feel something you clearly do not. Just like you told me you can't convince me to be with you, or to let go of my past to move on to you, my possible future, I had to realize that on my own... and I did. You were the one that I wanted to build something with and thrive off of each others success. I'm not sure if it was too late by the time I figured it all out or not good timing but it's all pointless now. I may not know exactly what the reason of you coming back into my life was but I did learn what I want, and what I don't want. Thank you  for coming back into my life once again to show me this. To open me up to something that I yearn for one day. I had a connection with you that I hope I will have with my future partner. I'm not sure if you have read any of the letters that I have sent you, but they are the rawest form of my emotions. I have never been so open with my thoughts to another but it allowed me to express how I really felt. I don't regret not one word that I have wrote, spoke or felt. It's real and I felt them for a reason. Maybe all these emotions pushed you farther away. Maybe I should have pretended not to care and maybe you would be here. Either way, that wasn't how I really felt and I can't be fake. It's just not me. As much as I am affected from this short chapter in my life, I will never forget it or you. In the end, I know I tried. I know that after everything, no matter how hurt I felt, I reached out and put all my ego aside and laid my true feelings on the table. It was hard, but I did it. If nothing else, I tried to hold you down and love you.

No matter what, we have been friends for years, and I will never let that go. You will always hold something special in my heart. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and I wish nothing but the best for you and yours.

No clue what the lesson was here, but I suppose I will figure it out sooner than later.

Real Talk: Excess Baggage!

When you find yourself so comfortable, you tend to let go and relax. That is exactly what happened in my past relationship. I got so comfortable that I had put on some weight and stopped taking care of myself. If there is anything good that came out of my break up, it is that I am finding myself again. I got so lost in the relationship wanting to please my partner that I forgot about myself. Relationships are time consuming, but if there is one thing that I have learned from my past, don't ever forget about yourself & always make time for YOU! 

I am eating healthier, working out everyday and on my way to getting my sexy back! 

Stay tuned for my progress, nutrition, & fitness tips! 

xoxo,

Longest Break Yet...

As I sit here listening to some music, I realize that this is the longest break I have taken from the blog yet. Why might you curiously ask? Well life is exactly why! It has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it. You tend to naturally plan your life out when 9 out of 10 times, it doesn't happen the way you plan. Life is much bigger than both you and I. It has a plan for us, and no matter what we try to do, it's sticking to it's plan...and we are just a long for the ride.

2010 thus far has been far more of an emotional roller-coaster then 2009. I thought 2009 was bad. Ha! Jokes on me I guess. So much has happened that I don't even know where to begin. I guess to make a long story short...my better half and I decided to part ways after 7 years, I went to school to become a nurse just to find out that I love fashion too much to just give up, and last but not least I am on a personal journey trying to find myself from the inside out. 

No matter how many tears I've cried in these past few months, I can't be sad for what has happened or where I am at in my life. I am here for a reason, as this is the path that will take me to where I truly belong. It has been hard and emotional to say the very least, but gives me hope for a better future. The crazy thing about life is, you never see it coming. I mean you honestly are blindsided by the events that creep up on you, and we manage to push through it. It's truly amazing to think of what is still to come. I'm sure there's going to bad and good events, but I'm mainly hoping for the good ;)

xoxo,

Real Talk: Are Women the New Men in Relationships?

There seems to be a shift in the universe lately which has made me notice a couple of things. I find that in todays society, Women seem to be taking on a different role in relationships then they did in the past. With women becoming more and more independent, I see a trend forming where they don't want nor feel the need to settle down or commit to one man. Getting married & having children are now not the epitome of a woman. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are many of women who are out there that are very much looking to settle down, but overall I see a shift in how women view relationships, commitment, & monogamy. It has definitely moved down the list of priorities to say the least...

It has been known to man that most men have some form of commitment phobia. But interesting enough, it seems as though the tables have turned in some fashion. I see more & more men wanting to settle down & commit while the women are saying NO THANK YOU. When a man wants to settle down, & commit, they are now being viewed as clingy, sensitive, and become less appeasing. These independent women don't want to be bothered with men who are clingy & sensitive so they pass it up and move on to the next.  

When did this happen? When did a man who simply likes you and chooses not to be with other women,  & wants to commit to a relationship become clingy & sensitive?

When you ask? I think when women realized that you don't need a man to be fulfilled. When women realized that most men cheat & lie, so why put yourself out there to get hurt. Why limit yourself to just one man when you can date several and not be so emotionally attached to just one who can potentially hurt you. I also think being that women are so independent now, that their careers, friends, & life are being put ahead of men & relationships in general. Something that was once on the front line has now been placed on the back burner. Women are accepting that they may not ever get married, or have children, and they're okay with that.

Is there a down side to this possible trend? Perhaps. It could go either way really... These women who pass up on these great guys may not get that opportunity again when and if they are ready. Or, if you look at it from the other spectrum, the men who finally want to commit and when they open themselves up to and get shut down might revert to their old ways indefinitely...which makes it difficult for the next woman who comes along, who then leaves a bad taste in her mouth, thus creating a vicious cycle.

Personally, I am a very independent woman who has a very demanding career. I am also involved in a serious relationship & have been for the past 7 years. There have been many times that I've struggled with balancing out the two, but in the end when you care about something enough, you put forth everything you have to keep it. 

My advice: Not all guys are the same, as the same with women. If a person comes a long that is a great catch who wants to seriously pursue you, & your honestly ready, take a leap of faith & give it a chance.  There are no guarantees in life, it can always go either way... but you will never know if you always have your guard up. Don't let past relationships determine future relationships. You can still be independent and be in a relationship, you just have to communicate your needs & wants & learn to balance out the two.

What's your thoughts on this?

xoxo,

Real Talk: L.O.V.E.

There is only one happiness in life -- to love and to be loved.

We, unaccustomed to courage exiles from delight live coiled in shells of loneliness until love leaves its high holy temple and comes into our sight to liberate us into life. Love arrives and in its train come ecstasies old memories of pleasure ancient histories of pain. Yet if we are bold, love strikes away the chains of fear from our souls. We are weaned from our timidity In the flush of love's light we dare be brave And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free.  Maya Angelou

love is a beautiful thing indeed,

Men Vs. Women: Language Barrier!

The other night I was having quite the interesting conversation with 

my guy friend and boyfriend about men and women. A rather popular 

topic indeed, but almost always ends in confusion. 

What I realized from this conversation, which I have known for quite 

some time, is that women speak a language men can't seem to 

comprehend.

For instance, my friend was telling me about a text he received from a

girl he was dating. Apparently, he took the message out of context 

which I believe is one of the biggest problems when it comes to 

men & women.

The messages go a little something like this....

Her: Hi, how are you?

Him: Hi, I'm good just have so much to do still before work. I still need to run some errands before I leave to vegas this weekend.

Her: do you work today?

Him: yes

Her: what time?

Him: 3

Her: you still have time take your shirt in the car

Him: Huh???

Here is where the language barrier kicks in. Most women including myself seem to speak in code, and that code being incomplete sentences. As incomplete as it sounds, we still expect most to understand us. Funny thing is, when we speak incomplete sentences with other women they understand just fine. Thus creating the ongoing problem. Maybe it's because most men DO NOT pay attention to the whole conversation as they tend to tune us in and out as they please...then wonder why they are confused in the end. The combination of both leads us to a language barrier!

My friend and his girl already have some communication issues as she tends to be hot and cold and doesn't like to express her emotions...

His interpretation of that text: Obviously she was texting with someone else and she sent it to me on accident because that just made no damn sense. Maybe it was some other dude she's talking too...

I then preceded to ask him what time she sent that text at,  and he replied 9am. I then said "ummm, I don't think she was texting someone else, she was texting you retard!" LOL

My interpretation of that text: basically she was saying that you still have time to run some errands being that its 9am then and you don't go to work until 3pm. Take your uniform in the car with you and just change on your way to work so you can get your shit done in time. 

He was like "ohhhhh", with a very confused/smile on his face. "that might very well be what she meant, but how the fuck am I supposed understand all that with that text message."

Now all my ladies who are reading this might be like "DUHHHHH!!!" but men seriously don't understand our language or incomplete sentences rather.  What she should have wrote was "you still have time to run your errands just get ready before, take your work shirt with you in the car, and change on your way to work once your done running your errands." Thats a lot to say in a text message right? YEP! Which is why I believe text messaging could be a gift but also a curse to dating!

When you communicate via text messaging versus a phone conversation, you can't decipher the tone, or emotion behind the words of text message as you would with a phone conversation or better yet, face to face.

This is seriously just one of the billions of examples that occur on a daily base between men & women. The sad thing is a lot of unnecessary problems occur from harmless conversations....

My advice to men: pay attention, and to women: speak in complete sentences, and to all: less text more phone and or face to face ;) 

I'm curious to know how others view this situation so all comments are welcome!!

xoxo,

Note To Self...

• Know that problems are meant to be solved.
  
• Learn not to stress out so much.
  
• Make more of an attempt to balance out business & pleasure.
• Try to understand and accept people for who they are to minimize disappointment.
• Know that everything happens for a reason. Only time will be able to reveal that reason.
• Keep in mind that things that enter your life as adversaries are sent to stretch you towards your gifts. Your talents are developed in your defenses.
  
• Remind yourself that at the end of the day, good nor bad, Life is a blessing worth cherishing.

xoxo,

T - a constant work in progress ;)

Why do we continue to inflict pain upon ourselves & ignore the RED FLAGS!

This past weekend I spoke to at least three people who continue to inflict pain upon themselves. Why you ask? Well that’s a good damn question!

 

Situation # 1 - There is a girl who has this "best friend" for about 12 years. They go through their quarrels every now and then like any normal friendship. Until recently, the girl thought this girl was her bestest. Every time she goes out of course she invites her, however when the best friend goes out, she fails to invite the girl on most occasions (RED FLAG #1). When the girl and best friend do hang out, the best friend finds ways to embarrass her - wtf?(RED FLAG # 2)  The girl goes out of her way to be there for her best friend, however the best friend is never really there for the girl when she needs her (RED FLAG # 3). The best friend disappears when she's busy and conveniently appears when she's not (RED FLAG # 4). 

This is exactly what I told girl - Personally, I rather not have any friends than have fillers! Sorry to break it to you hun but your bestest of 12 years is merely a filler (people who are in your life for no fuckin apparent reason except for convenience). Those can only treat you like shit if you allow them to! Drop the broad and keep it pushin' - even if shes a childhood friend! People change, we grow apart... we are not meant to be friends with everyone forever!

 

Situation # 2 - There is a girl who has been in an emotional, physical, and mentally abused relationship. 7 years ago Girl meets Dude. Dude games Girl up and sells her the world. 1 year goes by and Girl notices Dude is not really what he claims to be (RED FLAG #1). Girl continues to pursue the relationship. 2 years go by and Girl starts to be mentally abused by dude (RED FLAG #2). Girl continues to stay in the relationship hoping he will change. 3 years go by and Girl starts to be physically abused (RED FLAG #3). 4 years go by and Girl gets pregnant. Dude swears up and down he will do right by her and the baby and convinces her to go through with the pregnancy. Girl does and welcomes a beautiful baby into their fucked up environment hoping the baby will really change things. 5 years go buy and Girl is now raising her baby on her own while Dude is never home (RED FLAG # 4). 6 years go by shit has gotten worse than each year before. When Dude does finally come home, Girl and Dude scream and fight about his whereabouts. 7 years go by and the baby now sees his father disrespect his mom daily (RED FLAG #5). Girl is still crying over the same situation that she has been in for the past 7 years regardless of all the red flags.

For the past 6 years (I have finally given up) I have tried my very best to help, be there for her and do just about anything to aid her out of the situation. I can’t continue to watch her ruin her and her sons’ life. He did not ask to be brought into this world but yet is forced to deal with this fucked up life they dealt him. I truly hate Dude. He is a horrible person and a terrible father. If ever given the chance, I would put hands on dude. I told her – to be perfectly honest, I don’t blame dude anymore. I hate him but I don’t blame him. You’re the victim because you choose to be. You’re the one who continues to go back again and again after all the pain and suffering. As long as he knows he can…he will!

 

Situation # 3 – Boy meets girl while still in another relationship. Boy likes new Girl because she is so different than his girlfriend. Boy decides to break off the relationship with girlfriend to pursue new girl. Boy and Girl start dating. Boy falls hard for girl (when you have been in bad relationships, anything better seems like gold). Boy starts making bank at work. So does Girl. Boy and Girl decide to move in together after a short period of dating. Boy and Girl are living the lavish life happily together. Shit happens and Boy looses his job. More shit happens and Boy is in some situations. Girl starts to act very different (RED FLAG #1). Girl starts flaking on boy and going out more (RED FLAG #2). Boy continues to pursue the relationship because Boy loves Girl. Boy really needs girl to be there for him and Girl doesn’t seem to care (RED FLAG #3). Girl continues to demand going shopping, going out, lavish dinners, etc. Boy cannot afford it nor is it his personality to begin with. Once in a while is cool but its not a must. Girl disagrees. Girl complains that Boy does not love her and can care less about her. Boy continues to jump through flaming hoops. Girl breaks up and makes up with Boy several times (RED FLAG #4). Boy thinks something’s wrong with him and he’s not doing enough – WTF? Boy is not truly happy but does love her so he continues his relationship with her...

First of all let me start off by saying Boy is an attractive & intelligent young man who has a lot to offer to a woman. This broad is just crazy! I constantly tell Boy he deserves much better. He can only be truly happy with someone else when he is genuinely happy with himself first. I don’t think Girl truly loves him, but I guess sometimes you have to learn the hard way – I know I have!

Why do we continue to turn our heads the other way when the RED FLAGS appear... but be the first to ask why me when shit goes wrong?

xoxo,

T